.jpg)
(This pic is obviously not him, but this is how cute and built he is. Just think this with short brown buzzed hair)
Derek is very effeminate to me. Well... not like flamboyantly gay effeminate... more like suppressed-high-schooler-in-a-conservative-suburb effeminate. I mentioned something to the district manager just joking around- (he and I are really close friends) telling him that I suspect he bats for my team. He said that he thought he was dating one of the girls at the theatre, but that they wouldn't 'make it official'. I said: "but....he's gay!?" and we argued about how effeminate mannerisms don't mean you are gay.
My argument was that I believe effeminate mannerisms are an indicator of homosexuality. I know there is a correlation from some stats I saw a few years ago, and this really shouldn't be surprising. It makes sense: the physiological properties that encourage homosexuality also encourage effeminate mannerisms-- i.e. they are both emergent properties of our physiology.
I, personally, am not effeminate at all....well I don't think so, but maybe a little. I know that when I hear recordings of my voice, I always think I sound gayer than I expect. But I could just be hyper-sensitive to it. I actually wish I were more effeminate, then maybe it would telegraph my 'interests' better :-)
None the less-- I'm looking forward to the day when 'Derek' comes back from his first year of college with a boyfriend named Jefferey or something. I can high-five myself, and hope that he has some strange interest in boring, out of shape, 20-something computer nerds.... hey there's got to be a niche out there somewhere, right? :-)
Oh, and I love you all.
P.S. I took Friday off from my real job, and decided I wasn't going to check my email. Well, I looked Saturday night, and realized that my whole team has to be in Dallas this week, and that I had been nominated to drive two of our servers there (8 hour drive). FML.
Much Love,
Steve
10 comments:
Hi Steve, love your blog, but I think you give yourself too little credit, cheer up man everyone has their dry patches, hope you find someone that makes you happy soon.
Now I wouldn´t like to sound like an expert at the topic, but have some friends that are really effeminate and are straight and gay people that never show it at all, but let´s just say and at risk of being labeled as a homophobic bastard not many straight guys study theater, I know because in here (Mexico) my sister studies art and such and I´m still to find a straight actor :) don´t know how that works in the states though, also a girlfriend is not an indicator of anything.
Anyways, hope you have a great week.
Take care
Me
lol.
I had a conversation last night about this very topic with a couple of friends. I don't really stand out as a gay either, and in moments of desperation, have thought about putting some sort of HRC logo or rainbow pin on my satchel just to broadcast explicitly to everyone who may be tuned to pick up on those little clues.
One of my friends, though, claims that gay guys are able to read other gay guys, just based on where their eyes look in a crowd (at men vs women). I'm not 100% sure about this one yet... So far none of the guys at my favorite hangout in the Domain have walked up to me yet...
And now I've written a whole post on the conversation.
Glances at the pic for a 3rd time
Amazing that you have seen that much on the guy lol
I have seen guys who act effeminate around my school but really are straight. Which I hate b/c it throws off my gaydar. I think I need to tune it some more as is but that it is just plain annoying
don't mean to disrespect, but assuming effeminate men are gay implies that gays are effeminate, which is total bull.
you and I need to skype.
add me: ntotheitothec
Nic
I'm usually on from 4pm (GMT+1)
i just love that guys nips :P
i'm catching up with my followers (thanks btw) and i'm going to plug you in my next post. would you like to exchange links?
let me know :)
torchy!
ps. the word verif is 'nogoe' which sounds a bit negative :)
actually i think 'plug' is definitely the wrong word, as you've been around for ages. it's more of a welcome and thanks you really.
t!
Oops! Sorry I missed the chance to say Happy Birthday in a comment to your last post. I've gotten behind on just about every blog.
:-(
Anyhow, I disagree with Nic's statement about effeminacy. In my experience, pretty much all effeminite men I've been around have turned out to be gay. On the other hand, I have met plenty of gay guys who are not effeminate in the slightest.
It's kinda like geometry. All squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.
:-D
@all
Thanks for the awesome comments!
@nic
So I don't think saying that effeminate manneurisms often indicates homosexuality means that all gay men are effeminate. At least I wasn't trying to imply that. I know that I've seen stats on % of men with effeminate manneurisms and identifying with homosexuality. All that means is that effeminate manneurisms and homosexuality are correlated--it definitely doesn't imply causality.
I don't think that being gay makes you effeminate, or that having effeminate manneurisms makes you gay. Regardless of nature or nurture (or the mix of the two), I think it is generally accepted that it happens when you are very young. I'm not trying to claim to be an expert on this or anything, but just recount what I seem to remember: as you develop, your brain is 'learning'. This learning results in physical changes in the configuration of your billions of neurons. They may strengthen or weaken links, or reconnect themselves entirely. So this learning process is causing physical changes in your brain. When you are young, the brain seems more tuned in a 'learning' mode, and small things have big effects throughout your entire life. Its kind of like making an indention in taffy and then pulling it out-- the change becomes bigger and stretches and warps as the taffy is stretched. The point is that whatever physiological configurations tend to lead to people identifying as gay are probably also responsible for some people showing effeminate manneurisms. Thus, a biological reason for why effeminate manneurisms correlates high with homosexuality.
It may seem rude, but science doesn't often regard our cultural customs and social mores. This doesn't mean we should start 'calling out' these suppossed straight people -- that would be rude :-)
I don't have skype :-( I have MSN...although I guess I should sign up for a Skype at some soon.
@ torchy
I updated my links to all those that I am currently following. Thanks for the shout out! :-)
Much Love,
Steve
Growing up I couldn't afford to look the least bit effeminate, so I had to teach myself to consider very carefully any mannerisms that might give me away. For some that is hard to accomplish, but we shouldn't have to hide in the first place. Still, when I'm around the few friends that know I am bi, I change a little. Once I feel free to let my guard down there are mannerisms that will pop right out that I didn't know I had.
I think this is part of my problem.
To me, it's pretty obvious that I'm gay, but evidently it doesn't come off that way to others, and I've experienced a disappointing lack of male attention that I don't quite understand.
I'm 5'10", 125lbs, long blonde hair, not deformed. I don't get it.
He sounds great, by the way.
Post a Comment