A boyfriend named Andrew

Well this was an interesting week.  There's two parts to this post -- one is some notes to myself, then after the # below is a story and news.  So skip the boring gush-fest if you like ;)

#

I'm just going to jot down a few things I'm feeling right now as an experiment. I want to read this post again in a few months and see what I think then:

Andrew and I have been keeping up the "every two days" pace, which I kind of like.  I miss him when he's not around, and I know he misses me too -- BUT -- its still early so I think keeping some space is good.  I need space regardless.  I enjoy biking and working out alone, and have a lot of work and school commitments as well.  So a relaxed pace is good.  Plus, I think it makes us enjoy our time together better when we spend time together.

What I like most about Andrew, I can't describe: there is something about his personality that just "fits well" with me.  Its a mix of passion, compassion, intelligence, worldliness, and playful silliness.  It's actually exactly how I think of myself as well.  One thing I've always enjoyed about myself is that I am kind of silly and playful and generally don't take myself too seriously.  I find some people get embarrassed with themselves and end up missing out on all of the fun things about being human!  I don't mean that I'm irresponsible or shameless-- I just think its silly to bother with what others think all the time.  I love random humor and find laughs in things that many others don't get at all.  I think Andrew and I really click in that way and find familiarity with each other in many ways.

With respect to passion and compassion, I love that he is someone who actually cares about things.  I think this comes from a few things: one is maturity.  I find that people who aren't naive about the world tend to realize that the world is bigger than them.  And these people generally find interest in all sorts of places... because the world is really interesting!  There's so much to learn and experience and think about and we have _so_ little time to do that.  That's my worldview at least, and to be honest, I don't think I can really relate to people that don't share this to some degree.  Andrew smartly did a study abroad in Europe and has been to Africa.  I love his attention to other people and his interest in the world.

Another thing I want to remind "future-Steve" about is our communication.  In every relationship I've had thus far, I always feel that I am "over-communicative".  I have _always_ been the one trying to neurotically decide if I should text or not text or express my emotion or not.  I still do that with Andrew too, but I get feedback from him whereas in every other relationship, it was always with people apparently incapable of expressing adult emotions.  The only two "long" relationships that I've had were both with people where it was like pulling teeth just to even talk to them about anything real.  I like a healthy balance of light and deep talk, but I know that I need to be able to have open, honest conversations.  I need to be able to talk openly.  I don't think I've mastered this yet, because I still feel the need to process/filter myself, but at least with Andrew I think he is similar in that sense.  I think both of us are mature adults that want to have that kind of relationship, even though it obviously takes time to get there.  This is something I actually didn't think was possible for me -- I didn't think I would ever meet someone like me in that way.

Lastly, physically we just seem to "fit" well -- we both like holding hands, kissing, doing normal healthy relationship things.  I think we both feel really comfortable like that, and its really nice.  We went to a concert on Thursday and it was so nice just being able to put my arms around him and be a normal couple enjoying music.  In general I didn't notice any awkward glances or anything from other people in the crowd -- I mean it is 2012 for fucks sake.  But one old fat redneck guy walking our way apparently heading to the bathroom kind of stopped and stared for a second--apparently trying to parse what he was seeing.  He didn't say anything but seemed kind of freaked out.  I call that a win ;)

#

So we had a nice week of a few dates, and after the concert Thursday we hung out at my place and talked.  He brought up whether we wanted to talk about labels or anything.  We both agreed that labels really didn't change anything or define anything, but that it would be nice to not have to awkwardly correct people and its nice to have a label when introducing each other to new people, etc.  So I said "well then I would kind of like to have a boyfriend named Andrew" and he said "well I'd like to have a boyfriend named Steve" and we kissed and it was nice :)

One thing that we like doing is we'll both sit at the piano and I will play and he will sing.  He likes the song "When Somebody Loved Me" from Toy Story 2.  I happened to have that song, and I played it for him and he shed a little tear. It was so cute.  He stayed the night and it was so nice waking up next to him the next morning.

This is really good.  I'm really happy :)

Much Love,
Steve

Dating pace

This post is really for me.  I want to think through some dating pace ideas.  I've now had four dates with A-- all of which have been very long compared to my typical dates, and the last two have ended with him staying over the night.  As I mentioned in the previous post, I really haven't connected with someone so well before, and its absolutely a consequence of congruent personalities.  Its quite interesting to me, because every other person I've dated always had some divergent personality traits that didn't click up with me 100%.  At the time, I wrote it off as "well I'm weird so no one will really click" and moved on.  And don't get me wrong -- I still liked those relationships too-- and even fell "in love" a couple of times.

For A I think all of the pieces are there: (1) he is emotionally mature, open, and able to communicate his intents and feelings.  I always felt that I was an over-communicative person, and I actually like that. I think its really a hallmark of self-actualization and maturity.  (2) He seems to be able to disarm my insecurities and make me feel comfortable with him -- and I know that I do the same for him as well. (3) I know we're both pleased with each others physical appearance.  (4) I think we're both passionate people that are curious and interested in the world and human behavior.  (5) We both want similar goals-- we both want someone to share life with.

So I think we have all of our ingredients together-- now its just time to bake this fucking cake.  And I do feel that one can fuck up perfectly good relationships by sloppy execution.  New relationships are always tricky because you are embarking on something that will change your daily life (possibly, if it goes well), and at the beginning the overwhelming excitement and novelty of the possible future is intoxicating.  As that new car scent wears off is when the real stuff starts.

So 4 dates -- we're still "dating".  Although he did talk about "where this was heading" and mentioned boyfriends, which I agreed that was what I wanted as well.  It's too early to put labels unnecessarily as that  puts weird constraints and tension and expectations.  I love the fact that he wants to talk about it -- because that's what I have always wanted in a relationship that has always been lacking: mature, honest conversation. (1) So how long to wait until we talk about labels? a month? (2) How long before meeting family?  Both of us are out to our moms, but not whole family -- so that doesn't really matter.  (3) How long before saying "I love you"? a month as well?

I guess I feel like 4-6 weeks is enough time for the new scent to wear off if you are seeing each other every couple days.  Then once that's happened words like "boyfriend" and "love" have much more meaning.  What would it even mean to call someone a boyfriend after just a few weeks?

I don't want us to get burnt out early or too over-bearing too early.  Like I said all signs are pointing to "go" right now -- and the red flags of "over clingy-ness" or "unrealistic expectations" or "complete immaturity" are nowhere to be found.  This is more difficult for me as I have a really busy life and I am easily distracted.  I certainly don't want to fuck up what I have worked for either -- I want to manage both well.  I think I can do it.  I hope I can do it.


*fingers crossed*
Steve