Crushin' on Straight Boys #1

Mainly for my own benefit I am going to post a series of various crushes I have had. I don't really expect this to be all that entertaining, but maybe it will be fun for me to write down.

Crushin' on Straight Boys #1 - The Early Years

So as a gay-ish, sometimes bi man, I don't really know if real 'straight' people (if such things exist) have the same types of feelings as I did when I was growing up. I distinctly remember even in first grade feeling very 'attracted' to other boys in the class. It wasn't sexual, but I just found them very pleasing. I didn't feel the same about girls. This is probably natural-- it probably happens to everyone.

In first grade, there was a boy named Scott in my class. He had dark hair, and had the type of facial features as like Billy Jo from Greenday. I remember that I really liked hanging out with him, and I was always trying to impress him and stuff. I wouldn't really call this a crush, but it kind of felt like one at the time. I was awkward and sweaty around him, etc. Anyways I remember that my dad had let me watch one of the Freddy Kruger movies with him on TV one night. I was tiny years old, and it scared the shit out of me. At school the next day, I thought I was the shit, because 'I' had seen an R-rated movie!! I couldn't wait to tell Scott, and he thought it was cool too. So on the playground there was this big fort tower---that seemed 100 ft tall (im sure it was about 6ft tall). We decided that we were going to reinact Freddy Kurger scenes (because I told him all about it) on the Fort. Have you ever done something--even as a kid-- that you still feel embarrassed about many years later? This was such an event: We were acting out a scene (the scene where Freddy controls the patient to jump out of the window at the hospital), and somehow I totally pee'd my pants!! It was just the most awful thing, and I don't remember exactly what happened. I was embarrassed, especially because I wanted Scott to like me-- and this was terrible. I still feel embarrassed about this today. I don't know what happened to Scott; I moved the year later, and lost touch. I bet he grew up to be REALLY hot though. This is what I imagine he would look like today. :-)



The first time I actually had a crush on a guy was 3rd grade. His name was... (*checks 1993 yearbook*) Joseph. I'm not sure that I really understood it. But I remember seeing him, and overhearing him talk with some of his friends, and feeling 'something'. I started like taking detours to class every day to go by his class to try and 'bump into him' and start conversation. I remember being very awkward about it, and thinking he was really cute.

In fourth grade, it was much worse. This was the first thing I felt that I would consider a 'crush'. It was a new kid in class named Zack, and I thought he was so attractive. I guess this is young for feeling any sort of attraction albeit non-sexual. I remember there was this game in music class where we had to pair up and hold hands for something...and I got paired with him, and I was really excited. My most vivid memory is that I decided I wanted to ask him to hang out after school. And it was a big ordeal for me. I packed my backpack quickly and tried to wait at the exit he usually left through. Then I somehow started talking to him and asked if he wanted to hang out one day. I felt like such a girl-- I remember the feeling absolutely 100% to this day, and it was that unmistakable giddiness and joy you feel when you have a crush on someone and they are around you. We actually turned out to be pretty good friends through middle school, but I went to a different high school. I still heard about him through mutual friends. Turns out he was uber straight-- not homophobic straight. I think he's married now or something. Alas.

It's interesting to look back on these, because I remember feeling distinctly different from other boys, and I didn't even know what 'gay' was during almost all of this time period. It wasn't until 6-7th grade that I realized that I wasn't different; I was just 'gay'. I remember feeling a bit surprised at this realization, and a little disappointed. But then I knew that this explained it all; and its not that I didn't know I enjoyed watching and being around other guys-- I just didn't really put 'myself' under that label before.

But when you're 13, covered in jizm watching a video of a hot, ripped guy get sucked off, and you realize that you're more concerned about the guy's cock than the woman... what are you gonna do? (See- wasn't that a sweet ending to an entirely wholesome post) :-)

Much Love,
Steve