Dating pace

This post is really for me.  I want to think through some dating pace ideas.  I've now had four dates with A-- all of which have been very long compared to my typical dates, and the last two have ended with him staying over the night.  As I mentioned in the previous post, I really haven't connected with someone so well before, and its absolutely a consequence of congruent personalities.  Its quite interesting to me, because every other person I've dated always had some divergent personality traits that didn't click up with me 100%.  At the time, I wrote it off as "well I'm weird so no one will really click" and moved on.  And don't get me wrong -- I still liked those relationships too-- and even fell "in love" a couple of times.

For A I think all of the pieces are there: (1) he is emotionally mature, open, and able to communicate his intents and feelings.  I always felt that I was an over-communicative person, and I actually like that. I think its really a hallmark of self-actualization and maturity.  (2) He seems to be able to disarm my insecurities and make me feel comfortable with him -- and I know that I do the same for him as well. (3) I know we're both pleased with each others physical appearance.  (4) I think we're both passionate people that are curious and interested in the world and human behavior.  (5) We both want similar goals-- we both want someone to share life with.

So I think we have all of our ingredients together-- now its just time to bake this fucking cake.  And I do feel that one can fuck up perfectly good relationships by sloppy execution.  New relationships are always tricky because you are embarking on something that will change your daily life (possibly, if it goes well), and at the beginning the overwhelming excitement and novelty of the possible future is intoxicating.  As that new car scent wears off is when the real stuff starts.

So 4 dates -- we're still "dating".  Although he did talk about "where this was heading" and mentioned boyfriends, which I agreed that was what I wanted as well.  It's too early to put labels unnecessarily as that  puts weird constraints and tension and expectations.  I love the fact that he wants to talk about it -- because that's what I have always wanted in a relationship that has always been lacking: mature, honest conversation. (1) So how long to wait until we talk about labels? a month? (2) How long before meeting family?  Both of us are out to our moms, but not whole family -- so that doesn't really matter.  (3) How long before saying "I love you"? a month as well?

I guess I feel like 4-6 weeks is enough time for the new scent to wear off if you are seeing each other every couple days.  Then once that's happened words like "boyfriend" and "love" have much more meaning.  What would it even mean to call someone a boyfriend after just a few weeks?

I don't want us to get burnt out early or too over-bearing too early.  Like I said all signs are pointing to "go" right now -- and the red flags of "over clingy-ness" or "unrealistic expectations" or "complete immaturity" are nowhere to be found.  This is more difficult for me as I have a really busy life and I am easily distracted.  I certainly don't want to fuck up what I have worked for either -- I want to manage both well.  I think I can do it.  I hope I can do it.


*fingers crossed*
Steve