I've been listening to a lot of old Loveline radio shows with Dr. Drew and Adam. If you're not familiar: in the 90s and 2000s there were a nightly radio show called Loveline where Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Corolla would take calls to discuss all kinds of problems.
One recurring theme is victims of abuse. People who experience abuse, violent or sexual, at a young age have tremendous scarring that plagues their entire life. There are many callers who identify as homosexual who were abused at a young age--in particular lesbians. I've probably listened to 60+ shows in the last month, and more than a dozen 20-something lesbians have called in who were abused by their step-dads at a young age.
So: (1) male figure abuses you; (2) you have a deep scar of distrusting men ingrained in your brain; (3) your brain keeps developing; (4) you are emotionally unconnected to men and prefer females; (5) you identify as lesbian.
The brain is like taffy being stretched: little indentions when the taffy is small become large fissures when stretched large. Thus, seemingly unimportant aspects of our development, get hard-wired in to our physiology as we develop. This isn't to say that this person is choosing to be gay. The fact of the matter is that at 20-something years old this person's brain is configured such that she is (in every sense of the word) a lesbian. That's reality and she can't change it. (BTW Im not suggesting that this is the only place lesbians come from)
But this feels strange--right? I mean we like to equate being homosexual with being left-handed or having blue eyes. Obviously its more complicated than simple genetic traits. So sure the above is an extreme case, but it might be a hint to the real point: same sex attraction (in biology, not culturally) is probably more nurture than nature. There is surely some genetic predisposition-- but how much? is it 50/50? 30/70? 10/90? I hate to think that a few significant events in my early childhood have wired my brain into some label that I have to wear the rest of my life.
Now don't get me wrong-- I'm not talking about rights, politics, etc. Obviously I believe in equal rights, etc. for all humans. I just feel its silly that we have to align ourselves into these buckets of gay/straight. We're just humans-- we're sexual-- we seek companionship and community. Maybe its just the cultural stuff (gender roles, social mores, etc.) that complicate everything...
looking back, this is a bit of a ramble... sorry :-)
Much Love,
Steve
Happy Thanksgiving!
1 year ago
6 comments:
Well, ramble or not, I think you make sense and you're basically correct that orientation is not just a matter of genetics. I recall seeing a report a number of years ago about identical twins who were raised by different parents. They didn't always have the same orientation, but there was a somewhat greater level of same orientation than existed among people who weren't identical twins. This suggests that there is a genetic factor, but that it does not necessarily determine orientation. It seems that it gives some degree of predisposition to be homosexual, possibly different in different individuals.
I have my anxiety disorders today because i was born with a genetic predisposition for them. They reason they came to fruition was due to a series of unfortunate events throughout my childhood that left me feeling vulnerable and isolated.
What i'm saying is that i think i was born with the capability of having anxiety and self-esteem disorders, and fate had it that i would follow a path that led to them existing and becoming a major part of me and my life.
On the other side of the rainbow, i know a lot of people who've grown up in very religious or conservative places, or very open and liberal places, and every place in between with all sorts of families and friends, who have turned out to be gay, or bi, or straight. I can see no common link in the nurture side of things, so i, personally, don't believe nurture is a, or the, major factor in sexuality.
However sexuality is complicated. No need to tell me. I've got an infuriatingly confusing ex. =/
All i know is i've loved boys all my life. ^_^
yea I think that's maybe the crux of it: sexuality is complicated. I agree-- nothing as naive as "from a conservative or liberal background" = strong correlation for being homosexual. It's obviously much more complicated than that.
And yea I remember back to 4th grade having a crush on a boy in my class. There is no other words to describe it. But I also remember having a crush on a girl in 6th grade. I've always had more crushes on boys than girls.
Idk what my point was-- I just am a little frustrated by a lot of things atm.
Thanks for the comments guys!
Steve
Eh. You know, I've only met one woman I thought just *maybe* I'd be attracted to, and I actually tried to figure out what it'd be like to sleep with her, vs a guy. Given the hypothetical, I still pick the guy.
Now my mother *was* and *is* a bit difficult to deal with...
Humans need labels - to a point. Intelligence works by making predictions about the future extrapolated from experience. This requires the ability to perform "fuzzy" pattern recognition: being able to pick out the most salient pieces of information and use those to establish recurring patterns.
All that means is that we're pretty good at reducing the complex or nuanced to basics - too good, many times. That's where the inherent desire for binary "labels" comes from: the mind's effort to reduce things to the most manageable units possible.
I used to listen to Loveline occasionally in the car. I almost called once, even. I regret not doing so to this day.
A young man was on the line. He was 17, IIRC, and was concerned about anal sex with his boyfriend. Specifically, he'd bottomed with no trouble, but his penis was bigger than his boyfriend's, and he wanted to know what they could do to make it easier for his boyfriend to bottom without undue pain.
They told him:
1. Gay guys are either top or bottom; they don't do both.
2. He didn't sound gay, so quit trying to prank them.
I was infuriated! I mean, a doctor who specializes in sexuality doesn't know some guys are versatile? Worse, he's telling the radio audience that gay guys sound all sound gay on the phone? Unfortunately, I was in the car and had no cell phone.
But to your larger point, though, regarding abuse: I think molestation is highly unlikely as a potential cause of homosexuality. For one thing, you mention abused girls ending up lesbians. How, then, does being molested turn a boy homosexual? I mean, it doesn't make sense to me that a man molesting a child will turn the kid gay, regardless of the gender of the abused.
Also, I'm pretty sure it's generally accepted by the mental health community that sexual orientation, if not set at birth, is set by around age three. That leaves a very brief window for molestation to change a person.
Having said that, I agree on labels; no one should be forced to choose one. I'm very comfortable calling myself gay, as I feel no sexual attraction to women at all. If you're not totally positive, though, don't sweat it!
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